165.2

I am back on the beach. Hopefully, after a while I won't be the whale on the beach!!

167.8

I was a bad, bad girl over the weekend. It was my little girl's birthday. I made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Of course it was from scratch, it was delicious, and I enjoyed every bite I had along with the ice cream. Then there was the football game after the party. You have to drink a couple of beers to watch football right? Oh and then there was Saturday night when we went out to dinner and a play...

Anyway, I was really bad and now I am having a difficult time getting back on track.

167

I have been cheating here and there but still making progress. When I say cheating, I don't mean having ice cream, I mean that I had corn at dinner last night.

I am going to the bathroom at least every hour. I guess that is what happens when you drink something all day and also munch on celery, which must contain lots of water.

167.2

Ahhh, I am wasting away.

I fell off the wagon last night as far as South Beach goes. I was afraid to get on the scale this morning. It will probably catch up with me tomorrow morning when I get on so I will be extra good today. I was doing pretty well yesterday, but last night was Back to School night for my son so my husband and I went and didn't get out of there till 9pm. That meant I hadn't eaten since lunch at 1 and really needed to eat. My husband bought us a pizza and I didn't object. It was a yummy Pappa Johns 6 cheese pizza too. Hmmmmm. I had three slices. But, it was worth it. I will just be good the rest of the week.

168.8

It seems strange to feel happy about 168.8. I NEVER thought I would be here. When I lost weight in the spring, I felt so good about it, I thought there was no way I would allow myself to gain so much weight. I think it is easier to be deceived in the summer when clothes fit looser, at least in my wardrobe.

I am trying South Beach again, the hardest part of this diet is breakfast. I don't really like eggs and am supposed to get a half cup of veggies for breakfast. I think omelet, but I really have to be in the mood for an omelet. So, for the last two mornings I have been having celery with peanut butter. I use natural peanut butter with no sugar and no added oil. This is OK, in moderation. I feel like I have overdone it this morning so I am putting it back in the fridge.

Yesterday I had a salad with chicken and black beans. I also had roasted chicken for dinner at my mother's and all the veggies I could take and still leave some for the others at the table. I declined to have the potatoes. I didn't have even a taste of the chocolate cake my sister made. No ice cream either. No bread with supper.

I also went on a late night walk with my husband. It's not that we walked fast, we strolled. But it was a long walk and burned more calories than I would have otherwise burned, sitting at home. I felt the muscles in my thighs twitching, which I always take as a good sign.

170.4

devasting.

this morning I had a dream that my husband told me he wanted to marry someone else.

then I got up and weighed myself.

can you think of a worse way to start the day?

when will enough be enough for me?

today, I hope.

this morning I am munching on celery with natural, sugar free peanut butter. Smucker's brand is actually good, it doesn't separate into that unattractive oil/peanut mess as other natural peanut butter does.

I can do this

168.8

Great.

It was worse, I was close to 170 a few days ago.

I have given up alcohol. I was praying about it in church and I felt that the answer, well, one of the answers, is to give up alcohol. It is hard. I love beer and so does my husband. In the winter time I love wine, it warms me up. I love to drink beer while watching football. I like to drink socially. We are going away for a weekend in NYC where we will be going to jazz clubs, etc., and I will be sipping Diet Coke. I am not too excited about that.

Oh well, I have lost about a pound since Sunday.

166.2

So the number on the scale is going down. That is fantastic news since I have not started dieting. Perhaps just having a scale and forcing myself to get on it every morning is making me choose better, or maybe it's just a fluke. Was it the fact that I only had one beer at the game yesterday and then switched to diet coke? Who knows.

I got some unplanned exercise last night. I am sure that helped. I did quite a bit of walking.

167.2

wooohooo.

Anyway, I went for a little run on Tuesday when I got home. I couldn't actually run very far before both calf muscles hardened like granite, but I was able to keep my heart rate up by walking briskly over the hills in my neighborhood. I just wanted to make sure I got my exercise for at least 20 mintues. Twenty minutes, three times a week, that is my goal to start.

A heart rate monitor is a neccessity in my book. I have the Polar F6 model. This is a marvelous fitness tool. You wear the monitor around your chest, it is fairly comfortable. This band transmits information to the special wristwatch. This watch will keep track of how long you work out and what your heart rate is during that workout. So you can make sure your heart rate is staying in a certain range during your workout to get the optimum results. It also tells you how many calories you burned during your workout. I love this because it is so much more accurate than the exercise machines at the gym. Also, these machines will detect your heart rate monitor and display your heart rate on the machine. This way you don't have to grip the handles to have this information displayed, which is great if you do anything more than walk on the treadmill. I love it.

I have not adjusted my diet at all at this point.

167.6 lbs

The title says it all.

I don't think I have ever been this fat and NOT been pregnant. Earlier this year I dieted my way down to the 140's. I still felt like I had a lot to go. But then certain stresses in my life caused me to fall off the wagon and start eating for comfort. I know I do this, but it doesn't seem to help me stop. People started telling me how great I was looking, summertime was just around the corner, my old clothes were falling off of me, I HAD to shop, and I blew it...BIG time.

Now I am exploding out of my old fat clothes. I feel depressed about it. I am ashamed of myself.

so here is my rather unsophisticated anagram for FATSO:

unFit
unAttractive
Troubled
Shapeless
fOodie

Sorry, it was the best I could come up with today. I will work on improving it and am open to suggestions.

So what is my plan?

Well, I took the first step last night. I bought an accurate scale. NJG's scale weighed light and is the old school, dial kind. I need something that will weigh me to the nearest 10th of a pound for those weeks when I will only lose a few ounces. As long as I see the tiniest improvement, I will stay motivated. So I stripped and hopped on and weighed 169.2, that close to 170, yikes. Of course, I usually weigh myself in the morning, and will make that my regular practice, but I needed to see the cold, hard truth. I needed to see the reason my underwear seems to have shrunk. I needed to see why I can't button clothing that used to button easily. I needed to see why my thighs are the best of friends, practically inseparable.

I am trying to gear up for another go at South Beach. It worked, especially for that stubborn belly fat. It is hard though, especially that first two week period. I have to be mentally prepared.

I was successful the last time because it was a contest, I am competitive. I had wanted NJG to come up with a reward to keep me going, but that never happened. That is OK, I have thought if a reward I can give myself when I reach my goal.

I will need to find time for exercise. Sunday, NJG and I went running. I was able to run farther than I thought I would before I needed to take a walk break. Part of that was probably me wanting to make the best impression on my new husband. I am still sore two days later, but I want to get some exercise again tonight, sometime, someway. Anyway, for now, I am committed to exercise three times a week for at least 20 minutes at a time. This will be a challenge as I am always trying to accommodate everyone else.

So, what is my goal? I am not sure what my ultimate goal should be. For now I want to weight somewhere in the 140's. So I need to lose a whopping 20 pounds. That seems daunting.